Trail skating

Fun fact: I'm really embarrassed by how awful I still am at skating. I hate that I put so much work into learning how to skate and still am so much slower than everyone else, even people who started out after I did. As a result, I've not skated at all for the past month because every time I even strap on skates, my confidence takes a beating. It's hard to go from being awesome at most things I try to being absolute crap.

However, my best friend convinced me to go trail skating yesterday for the first time and it was the best thing she could have done for me.

Yes, I fell (maaaaany times.)

Yes, my shitty ankle hurt like a son of a bitch.

Yes, I had a very embarrassing fall that resulted in a shredded knee sock and a very painful asphalt-filled scrape.


GIFSoup

But this skate session was exactly what I needed to get my head out of my ass. I could only do *one mile* before I chickened out. I should have at least tried for two. Next time, I'll do two. My stability is much lower than it was before, proving that it's time for this skate break to be over. So here I am, spending Black Friday doing chores and working on my paper, all while skating around the house.

Recruitment round two: 1 month, 8 days.

13 Signs You're Too Busy

From The Huffington Post

1. You spend a good amount of time worrying about time.
2. You can't remember the last time you were spontaneous.
3. You eat most of your meals on the go.
4. You haven't talked to your best friend in weeks.
5. You're sleep-deprived.
6. You silently wish for cancellations.
7. You don't have time for your indulgences.
8. You can't recall the last time you broke a sweat.
9. You chafe at being asked a favor or commitment.
10. Your body is showing signs of rebellion.
11. You don't deal well with unexpected changes to your schedule.
12. Your bills look like the Tower of Pisa.
13. Everyone tells you you're too busy.

I've bolded the ones I've definitely shown. The ones in italics are my "sort of" category. I speak to my best friend online and occasionally over the phone, but we don't see each other nearly as often as we did once, though part of that is also her derby schedule. I've made time for my indulgences over the last week (namely reading trashy novels and playing the Sims) but it's been brief periods of time that I've needed for my sanity and to maybe, just maybe, stop the weird twitch I've developed in my eye. My bills don't look like the Tower of Pisa - I started out my adult life with bad credit thanks to identity theft, so I learned early on how important it was to make sure your bills are paid and how much good credit is necessary in today's society.

All this is my way to say... I might quit derby for a little while. Not permanently - I love it too much. I can't even do anything really, but it's gotten into my blood. All I want to do is talk derby, even if right now it's to complain that I don't have the time to practice. Because, honestly, I don't. I work full-time. I go to school. Combined together, that alone is killing me. Add derby in, and I don't have a night to myself. In order to take time and de-stress, I've stopped practicing on the weekends. It's not right. If you're not willing and able to practice on the side in addition to team practices, derby might not be the sport for you. Not at the moment.

So I'm doing some thinking right now. And by "thinking", I mean I need to quit, but I can't bring myself to write the email. I hate quitting. I've never really been a quitter before, particularly not for something that means so much to me. Do you know I exercised on my vacation? ME. EXERCISING. ON VACATION. That's not something I would have done before derby.

But it's not fair to my team to take up rink space, even if it is beginner rink space, if I'm not able to commit myself the way they deserve. I've already designed my spring school schedule around derby. They were tentatively discussing doing recruitment again in January. That would give me time to finish this semester, take a break, do the holiday thing, and come back refreshed. I keep telling myself that it's not really quitting, it's taking a two month break. But it doesn't stop my heart from hurting, and it doesn't stop me from feeling like a terrible person, one of those people I always criticize by saying "Well, if they truly want it, they would go for it."

I really need to hit something right now.

EDIT: And apparently by hit something, I meant "cry." Damn it. I hate crying.