Awkward skating

Some days I feel like I'm the most awkward skater there could ever be. I've been shown how to do a crossover a million times. Yet I still can't do it! I feel like I've reached this point where I simply can not improve any more (which is too bad, because there are so many skills I still need to work on.) I can't do crossovers, I can't skate on one leg... hell, sometimes I feel like I can barely balance on two legs. Without crossovers, my speed won't improve (I slow down massively on the corners and just glide my way through.)

At the same time though, there are improvements. For example, I can t-stop now! I worked so hard to try to get t-stops and they finally just... clicked. They're still very new for me so I feel like cheering every time I nail one, but I'm still trying to play it cool like it's not a Big Fucking Deal that I can now do this awesome stop.

We've also had a change in venue for practices, so now we're indoors all the time. While it's a big yay in some ways (OMG, no more outdoor skating in August in Florida!), we're now skating with the Psycho sisters on a regular basis. It's so intimidating sometimes! We do our 20 in 5 each practice and even in the slow skater area, I'm being passed at such high speeds. I always know when someone's coming up behind me because I hear the surprised sounds as people all of a sudden have to go around me. I'm afraid to get in anyone's way. While I know I need to keep up with them, I'm always crossing my fingers that they'll finish their 20 when I'm still at lap 10 so they'll go down and stretch and I can try to push my way through the last few laps. (I know, I know. I need to get over that. I'm never ever going to skate in a bout all by my lonesome. But I am SO not ready to skate with everyone else yet! Why couldn't I have a recruitment with a bunch of other girls who can't skate so I'm not the only one who sucks balls? Why do I always have to be the last one done with every exercise, the one who can't keep up? ::headdesk headdesk headdesk::

It's been almost 1.5 months and I *still* can't do a crossover. What. the. hell. is. wrong. with. me???