Some days I feel as if learning how to ref is like learning a foreign language. You eventually reach this point where you feel like you know the rules, you know the words, but you just can't spit it out. They commit the penalty, you watch it go down, but you don't say anything because every word related to derby has just fallen out of your head. By the time you realize you want to call it, it feels really late and someone else is already committing a penalty in front of you. Other times, you call it, but the words don't come out in the right order.  Half the time I'm calling a person's name, the penalty, and the color. The other half, I'm calling it properly. I'm JUST NOW starting to remember to use the freaking hand signals.

We have our first WFTDA bout in less than a month, and I'm freaking out.

1. I haven't started calling things on a regular basis yet. I'm just now starting to open my mouth at practice, and even then I'm not that loud.

2. I'm not ready to fuck up in public. Fucking up is bad enough at practice.

3. I'm not ready to fuck up in front of other derby teams. I don't want to make the league and my fellow refs look bad.

4. My foot/leg is giving me trouble still. I have horrible form still and favor that leg, particularly when doing things like trying to stop at a good speed.

5. I still suck at dodging and weaving. Someone's going to take me out and it's not going to be pretty.